April Fools 2020 News Stories! Have A little Fun With These!
Trump Declares Canada Will Pay For Monument SeaWall
In February, we reported that $30,000,000 for a seawall repair project at Perry’s Monument was included in the most recent $1.4 trillion federal budget. But according to Put-in-Bay Gazette News sources in the White House, in spite of the President signing the bill, Trump has been fuming over the fact that the budget funded the seawall project before he had a chance to tell his supporters that “Canada will fund the (sea)wall.” An anonymous junior speechwriter at the White House leaked how Trump did not read the entire funding bill before signing it but now wants to delay funding for the project so he can work the ‘Canada funding the Monument seawall’ narrative into his rally speeches.
Trump allegedly told the speechwriting office to invent a plausible scenario about how Canada will fund the seawall repairs, plus come up with a campaign line like the one he used during the 2016 campaign about building the wall on the southern border. In his speeches Trump will make a big deal about the project and then ask the audience, “And who will pay for the Perry Monument (sea)wall?” The audience will respond in unison, “Canada will!”
As the 2020 battle heats up, watch for the “Canada will!” chant to become more and more a part of Trump’s rallies. Later, at an opportune time, Trump will tell his audience that their tax dollars will be paying for the seawall and blame the Democrats for it in order to help his reelection chances in 2020. The leaker said the one good thing about all this is that it will put Put-in-Bay on the tongues of millions of people who will be asking, “What the hell is Put-in-Bay?” April Fools 2020!
A New Look For DeRivera Park
At a recent meeting, officials from the Village Council and DeRivera Park, who own and maintain the downtown park between Delaware Ave. and the waterfront discussed plans for a policy which will gradually change the look of the park forever. The popularity of the José DeRivera stump carving across from the Edgewater Hotel has officials convinced that when any tree in the park dies, it will not be removed, but cut to a stump size that can be used for another historic stump carving.
DeRieviara Park Trustee Kellie Ferris tells us the trees will eventually all die off and only stump statues of historical island persons will be left. He says, “There will be nothing like it anywhere else in the world. It will be a real tourist attraction, kind of like a wax museum, but made up of stump carvings. Ferris, the current head of the Village’s Arbor Day Tree Commission, said the commission will be disbanded and a new commission will take its place.
The new commission’s goal will be to monitor dead and dying trees in the park, when to cut them down, whose likeness will be carved, arranging for carvers, and maintaining the stump carvings. Like a hall of fame, stump carving candidates would be nominated and voted on by islanders. Suggestions for future stump carvings are Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry, early island pioneers, Philip Vroman and John Brown, Jr., Put-in-Bay mayor and businessman T.B. Alexander, island bar owner Chick Linker, Miller Boat Line owner Lee Miller, island personalities Cotton Duggan, Bob Schmidt and Toni Gottfried, Cooper Restaurant owner Gus Cooper,
Heineman Winery founder Gustav Heineman, West Shore cottage owner Bill Boag, and Fox’s Den resident Jim Wehrheim. More April Fools 2020!
Adamov to Write Screenplay for Hallmark Christmas Movie About Put-in-Bay
Bob Adamov, the author of more than a dozen island mystery novels, announced in late February that he has been hired to write a Put-in-Bay Christmas movie for the Hallmark Channel on cable TV. Adamov says, “This is a real change-up for me. The change from island mystery writer to island love story writer is going to be a challenge.” “Love sells!” The Hallmark Channel produces 90+ holiday and romance films per year. Adamov’s knack for screwball dialogue and clever plot spins in his mysteries caught Hallmark’s attention. They weren’t shy about offering him $60,000, plus residuals for an island Christmas love story script.
Filming will take place once Adamov’s screenplay is finished in May. Although the story takes place on Ohio’s Put-in-Bay, the actual filming location will be on Pelee Island. More than 70% of Hallmark movies are filmed on location in Canada. The movie will be released this coming Christmas season on the Hallmark channel. In a phone interview with Adamov, he told the Gazette, “When I was first approached in January to come up with an idea for a Hallmark Christmas movie, the producer had a title, ‘Island Christmas in July Love Story.’
Having never watched a single Hallmark movie and given Put-in-Bay’s history with Christmas in July, I was indeed fortunate to convince the producer into making a “real” Christmas love story…you know, one that takes place in December. Thankfully, they’ve given me until May to write the screenplay. I’ve been binge-watching Hallmark Christmas movies so I can familiarize myself with what they like. Oh, and have I been taking notes! Copious notes. The challenge for me is how to incorporate the elements all Hallmark movies seem to have in common into a story that will be original and fun, yet tell a delightful Put-in-Bay Christmas tale.”
Filming on Pelee Island will be a challenge. To achieve the right Christmas look during the 15-day shooting schedule in July, workers will roll out tons of fake snow made out of cotton batting. Actors will not only have to wear winter coats in the summer heat but have to put up with the antics of Matt Parker who has agreed to play himself as the Santa in the production. Christmas programming now accounts for 30 percent of the network’s annual budget and in return produces 30 percent of its annual total revenue, which S&P Global Market Intelligence places around $400 million
State Under Pressure To Raise Speed On Put-in-By Golf Carts
One of the biggest issues visitors have when they come to Put-in-Bay is renting “slow golf carts.” They see islanders pass them in their carts and wonder why they can’t go as fast. One visiting cart renter complained he and his family didn’t get to see all the island hotspots and attractions because his rental cart just barely kept up with pedestrians.
“I was passed by an islander on an electric bike that I’ll bet was going six times the speed of my cart, plus we were passed so many times by carts owned by islanders, that my three-year-old daughter lost count.” He went on saying, “I spent a lot of moolah coming to the island and hardly saw anything.” One major Put-in-Bay Golf Cart Rentals company owner told the Gazette, “Our customers want a cart that goes at least 15 to 20 miles-per-hour faster than we can currently offer them.
Well, that may soon change. State legislators are on the verge of increasing golf cart speeds to 45 miles per hour and eliminating the slow-moving vehicle legislation that current is keeping their permitted speed at 17 miles per hour. Officials in Columbus have the backing of the Township Council Trustees and the legislators
running the Village. In anticipation of approval of the increased speed limit for slow-speed vehicles, at least three of the many golf cart companies renting carts report they have placed orders for a total of 500 new, high-speed carts. Watch for speedy new models on island streets and roads this coming season.
As one company executive told the Gazette, “Time is money, so these carts will rent for a premium. If you base the current per-mile-driven price and attractions visited, renting a new cart will result in a savings of $75 to $125 per visit savings for the average family. Now that’s some speedy April Fools 2020!
Nanci Tennar, the head horticulturist at Perry’s Monument tells us that Perry’s Monument will have a new look this season. Plans not only call for the regular
planting on the Monument grounds but a new challenge…growing climbing ivy up the sides of the Monument. Nanci tells us the goal is to set the world record for how high climbing ivy can grow by using a hybrid clone of Boston and Evergreen Sub-Zero varieties.
The hybrid climbing ivy she will be using grows in the shade and in the sun, plus it will stay green and thrive the entire year. It rapidly spreads to cover cracks and bare spots, plus clings to walls and buildings. It’s ideal for the Monument. Nanci knows it will probably never reach the top of the Monument, but she estimates she can get it to grow nearly to the top by using genetically modified fertilizers. We look forward to seeing how fast the ivy will grow up the Monument once it’s planted in May and April Fools 2020 Strikes again!
Just A Mess On The Rocks – Aprils Fools 2020 Mini Stories
Put-in-Bay Big Auction
Put-in-Bay Airport’s freight delivery room is still chock full of packages that were flown to the island this winter. Officials are growing more and more frustrated with the pile-up in the limited storage area in spite of all the calls to people to come and pick up their packages in a timely manner. According to credible sources, an auction of all the Amazon and other packages that have not been claimed will take place, and all items will go to the highest bidder. Watch for notices around the island announcing date and time.
Four Indicted in Island Plot
Three men and a woman were taken into custody after the Put-in-Bay Police finished an investigation stemming from last year’s Inter-Lake Yachting Association’s Regatta here at Put-in-Bay. The four remain behind bars because they could not raise bail. The four will be tried on misdemeanor charges of smuggling sailboat fuel when the mayor’s court goes back into session in May. Security to be Tightened for Junior Regatta Sailors Inter-Lake Yachting Association officials have contracted with the Put-in-Bay Police Department to provide shore patrols during Junior Bay Week this coming July. Officials were concerned young sailors were beginning to behave like sailors who take part in the Senior Regatta which takes place in August.
Unused Put-in-Bay Island Schools to be Auctioned Off
Empty school buildings on North and Middle Bass will be auctioned off in July. Officials say the schools are obsolete and speculate the structures will be sold locally to fill other needs. One official said the Middle Bass Historic Preservation Society has shown interest in the island’s one-room schoolhouse as a home for its hundreds of artifacts. On North Bass, the more modern building in the center of the island could be converted into a visitor center for the North Bass Island State Park.
Put-in-Bay To BecomeTraining Ground
Island police, tired of the complaints about kids driving rental golf carts on the island, has asked Village and Township officials to permit children to drive golf carts if a parent, guardian or significant other is seated beside them. A spokesperson said, “We cannot recall a golf cart accident involving a child driver.” He went on to say, “Using Put-in-Bay as a training ground for young drivers makes more sense than letting them learn how to drive in a vehicle
on the mainland.”
Island officials are struggling with the idea of children driving because of the many pros and cons involved. One Councilman said he could see allowing kids to drive on weekdays, but not necessarily on busy weekends. Expect some heated debates about this in the upcoming Council and Township meetings.